A common buzz-phrase in political commentary is “family values”. This phrase is often articulated by those of “conservative” leanings, claiming such values are fundamentally Christian. Yet, when we conservatively look at the gospel texts and Jesus’ comments on family relationships, we find that our Lord’s actual family values are much more radical than most fundamentalists would like us to believe. The gospel of Matthew gives us several passages to ponder Jesus’ views on family and what our Christ-like values should be consequently.
First, it’s worth remembering that this gospel narrative started with a birth story segment that revolved around what most would consider an untraditional upbringing. When Jesus sends out the apostles on their first mission there is a warning that their own families may oppose them and the good news they have to share. Jesus even adds that whoever loves their parents more than this movement are not worthy of following it. Then, when Jesus is told that blood relatives have come to visit, the response is “who is my family?” A little later, Jesus goes on to proclaim “a prophet is never honored in their own household”. And further along in the gospel, Jesus prophesies that everyone who has left their family for the sake of this movement will be blessed. (Matthew 1-2, 10:5-42, 12:46-50, 13:53-58, 19:23-30)
Jesus’ most direct statements regarding family are far from the most “family friendly” and “family first” comments in the gospels, and the scriptures as a whole. Jesus refuses to be pinned down by family ties and makes it clear that the Eternal Kingdom movement is bigger than any family bond.
(Some might point out Matthew 15:1-20 as a way of propping up Jesus as a family man. Here, Jesus tells the religious authorities that they make excuses for not following commandments, using the sacred commandment about honoring one’s parents as an example. However, using this passage as a basis for any family law is silly, as the very point of the text is to highlight how those in power abuse and manipulate laws to do whatever they please in the end. Jesus uses this particular commandment as an example to drive a much broader point forward.)
Now, this is not to say that Jesus does not think we should honor our parents or should not value family. By no means! Those are important relationships that can enhance our lives and better society. What Jesus is doing, through radical discourse, is making sure that we understand there are even bigger values than those built around family. The substantive problem with earthly families is that they can become constraints for us. They can distract us from seeing the bigger visions God has planned us and hinder the Eternal Kingdom work towards which we are called.
We need to be wary of any Christian church or movement that centers itself predominantly around family ministries and values. What can happen in such groups is the establishment of an isolationist bubble and an occult-like culture (even when the gospel message is preached correctly). Family ministries become an excuse for not doing greater good, such as welcoming in others, feeding the hungry, comforting the sick, or helping the poor. Doing as Jesus did becomes undoable because these movements are too focused on families. Family life can be a blessing, yes, yet it must not be misconstrued as the full extent and expression of the Eternal Kingdom Jesus wants to build. Familial love is not perfect love—and it can sometimes be the very opposite extreme.
Furthermore, we must be open to unique and unusual family structures that God ordains for us and draws us towards. The relationships forged through the authentic and logical friendships we find in the gospel narratives are prime examples for us. The disciples and followers of Jesus become united in ways that resemble ideal familial relationships, despite coming from wildly various backgrounds and lived experiences. This is what we should be seeking after as followers of Jesus Christ.
Whether we find our true, affirming and constantly reforming family in our birth relatives or from the rebirth relations we forge is not of consequence. What matters is that we discover ourselves and uplift one another in whatever family God has called us to be a part of and that these chosen bonds push forward the Eternal Kingdom of God. The disciples of Jesus are not beholden to the constraints of birth and blood; we are free to foster the universal family of God wherever and with whomever the Holy Spirit leads us.
Relevant Reformation 